It has long been since placed my bony fingers upon the keyboard and typed directly to my legions. There has been a myriad of guest writers, news updates and some advice columns that have taken over. But during that time I was not sitting on my laurels and allowing people to do my work for me. Rather I was re-energizing myself. I was bathing in the chilly springs of hellish mountains on high. I was preparing myself with mud treatments from the depths of hell. I have awakened renewed, refreshed and with a new send of purpose for murder and torture of mortal souls. So prepare for this hellish onslaught!
Long have you mortals attempted to rule the world from your pathetic thrones. Long have you sat in your hovels passing judgment and praying against the evils of the darkness. Long have you all sat in judgment of each other. Long have you betrayed, humiliated and waged war upon each other. It’s not the time of darkness. It is time for the demons of old, the balrogs of the ancient abyss to rise up and breath hellfire upon you. To destroy you as you have destroyed your environment.
With that in mind I invite you all to prepare for the end of times. Stock up on your putrid canned goods. Acquire salted fish and fetid water. Prepare for my coming. For I have renewed my energy and acquired legions so hellish that hell itself shakes at their very appearance. My legions are preparing for war, a war in which they will eradicate every human being that resides on the planet. You will live in hell where my hounds will feast on your flesh. Where I will re-animate your corpse into members of my legion. I shall march forth and wage war. You shall be destroyed. ALL HAIL SATAN THE DESTROYER!