Well, look-y here… I’m actually writing this post before the morning it’s due to publish for a change! And I’m actually… *gasp* …listening to metal while I write it! (Blut Aus Nord’s Hallucinogen, which — try as I might — I’m still not entirely feeling. Oh well.)
Anyway, what’ve we got for you this week? A six-pack of new releases, at least one of which falls into the “definitely a great album, but also I definitely need to poke fun at the cover” category. Which one(s) might those be? You’ll have to read on to find out. Let’s jump in!
Blood Incantation — Hidden History of the Human Race
Hey, here’s one of ’em! Now, to preface: Blood Incantation is an incredible, forward-thinking band, and one of the strongest purveyors of contemporary death metal. Hidden History of the Human Race is a tremendous album and may ultimately surpass Starspawn. Just so we’re all clear on how I feel about the music here.
Now, all that said: that alien looks hella goofy.
Electric Poison — Live Wire
I’ll be honest, y’all: this thing made me laugh out loud. This Peter Steele-looking motherfucker’s out here doing god knows what with that chainsaw and loving the fuck out of every minute of it. This is dopey as all hell but I’m here for it.
Dunedain — Memento Mori
I’ma go out on a limb here and put money on at least half of the characters depicted in this image joining the band Lordi in the next couple years. Because — oh hey! — Lordi is actually still a band and has an album coming out next year. The more you know!
Unfathomable Ruination — Enraged & Unbound
So, this thing is gruesome as all hell, and I’m not gonna even pretend I have the stomach for it on a regular basis. At the same time, I freaking love this cover. This is the kind of thing that’s gonna stick with me for days. The expressions on pretty much every one of these kids’ faces are horrifyingly realistic, particularly the one in the middle who’s looking right the fuck at you the whole time. Creepy, creepy shit.
Aggressive Perfector — Havoc at the Midnight Hour
First: using a scale of nine to ten, how much do y’all think these guys like their old-school Sepultura?
Second: the logo is almost an afterthought here, because what is even up with the rest of this cover? It’s all painted, and yet…the central characters all look vaguely photoshopped in? Feels like a caricature of a horror-themed metal album.
Magic Kingdom — Metalmighty
Good lord, is there a lot going on here. Double dragons — you thought I was going elsewhere with that, didn’t you? But no, I mean the actual dragons in the background — the lovechild of the In Flames Jester Head and…I dunno, Stripe from Gremlins trying his best at blacksmith work? (I don’t think you’re supposed to double-fist mallets, but what do I know?) There’s also what looks like a nip-slip happening to the young blacksmith apprentesse on the left? Which… isn’t something you see every day on an illustrated power metal cover. Cursed Imagery: delivering you the goods, folks.
Anyway, that’ll do it for this edition. Check back next week for our final new post of the year! That’s right: come December, we’ll be launching into our best-of-the-year rundown. Come at us with your suggestions!