It’s Wednesday, so that means it’s time for Stage Dive, a new segment where we jump into the audience (get it?) and let you weigh in on a particular question! Most of these will be tied to metal in some way, shape or form, but occasionally we may stray into non-metal topics, like movies, art, or the genus, species and classification of Frankie Palmeri’s mother. This week, however, our question is:
WHAT’S THE MOST METAL FOOD?
We’ll give our responses below, but encourage you to participate as well by leaving your thoughts in the comments section. That way, if we disagree, we can just file you under “Internet commenters are the lowest form of humanity” and be done with it!
…only kidding. We’ll file you under “Frankie Palmeri.” At any rate, here are our takes on things:
There were a number of different routes I wanted to go with this, but ultimately, I think it’s gotta be a turkey leg. You know, those enormous roasted ones you get at renaissance festivals–hot, juicy and cooked to multiple shades of orange and tan, where the fat and skin are just dripping off the things. There’s your start–messy food is definitely metal food. But let’s take it further. When you get a turkey leg, you’re eating delicious meat straight off the bone, and there’s just something so primal about that! I know you can technically say the same for a chicken leg as well, but think about the size difference between the two; you can hold an entire chicken leg in your hand, but you’ve gotta grasp that turkey leg like a weapon. Which brings me to my last point, once the bone’s been licked clean (whether by you or maybe an eager canine), you’ve got yourself one hell of a club to battle with. Or hit a drum with. Or just throw away. Turkey legs…no question. I guarantee you these guys have my back on this.
Well, this one took a little more deliberation than I thought it would. But it ended up being a fairly obvious choice. At first, I was thinking anything pork related. The idea of a pig roast crossed my mind. Think about it. It’s tough to get more metal than burning and devouring an entire pig carcass. Besides, going with pig would obviously get Behemoth’s approval, and we all know how important that is. (Yes, I did find a way to bring Behemoth into this, thanks for asking.) But then I thought…”Jesus!Literally!” Well, metaphorically. The one food I would consider more metal than pig is lamb. For those unaware, Jesus is often referred to as the Lamb of God. See, even I know something about Christianity (but even then, only thanks to these guys). If I had to pick a dish, I would go with lamb chops. They’re delicious. Anyway, back to my point. The idea of mutilating and then dismembering Metaphorical-Jesus for personal consumption is about as metal of a concept, not just food related, as I can possibly conceive. Metaphorical-Jesus…it’s what’s for dinner.
What do you think? Post your take in the comments!
It’s time for the debut episode of Horns Up – a new weekly heavy metal chat from the creators of The Bracket!
This week, Dan and Corey riff on headlines from around the metal world, review recent concerts from Children of Bodom and The Ocean, revisit a couple of classic albums from Hypocrisy and Iron Maiden, and much more! Check it out!