Album Review: Imperial Triumphant — “Spirit of Ecstasy”

Imperial Triumphant - Spirit of Ecstasy

Longtime readers of this site know that we’ve been on the tip about Imperial Triumphant for quite a while now.  Between profiles, interviews, podcast episodes and, of course, album reviews (of which I’ve had the distinct pleasure of supplying two, plus a review of their tea collab), I think it’s safe to say we are pretty well sold on their particular brand, nebulous as it may be at times.  Even though Alphaville is barely two years old as of this writing, Spirit of Ecstasy feels like a long time coming.  Maybe it’s just because I can’t get enough of what they put out.

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Sunday Side-Splitter: Geoff Tate’s Self-Fellating Video EPK

Afternoon, metalheads. How’re those hangovers treating you? Well, have we ever got a fix for you in today’s Sunday Side-Splitter. If any of you happened to catch our previous, short-lived podcast series, The Bracket, you’ll know that we’re no fans of Queensrÿche vocalist Geoff Tate. Why’s that, you might ask? Well, a pretty significant part of it would be the six-minute-long self-touch session that he filmed and tried to market as an EPK. Check it out below:

Anyone who makes it through the full six minutes of this video should receive some sort of special award. (SPOILER ALERT: I haven’t) I mean, where does one even begin with this thing? Here are a few quick notes I jotted down, which don’t even begin to cover all of the issues I have with this thing, but should give you an idea of the kind of dreck we’re dealing with here:

  • “My passion for living borders on extreme” Yeah, and then you IMMEDIATELY cut to a clip of you taking a sax solo. Nothing says extreme like your best Kenny G imitation.
  • Giving thumbs down to a 25-mph speed limit sign. GOD GEOFF, SO EXTREME. SUCH BADASS. YOU’RE TOTALLY NOT LAME AT ALL.
  • “I love wine. I have my own brand–it’s called Insania. We have a red and a white.” Jesus christ, Geoff, let’s count this off: you love wine, yet can only identify your own brand by the vague descriptions “red and white?” And you called it INSANIA? If I pause the video here, I think I can actually hear you whispering “please like me, please like me, please like me” to yourself.
  • “I’m a family man.” Definitely a note you want to include in any desperate effort to seem like a badass. DAD-METAL!
  • “Wait, watch this…” (Jump to 2:37) For the love of god, Geoff, just stop it already.
  • All the eyeliner – Geoff. You are 55 years old. You are not an emo kid. Grow the hell up.

There’s a lot more to it, as you’ll see if you make it through this whole thing. I wish you all the best of luck in that venture. Good luck with the hangovers, and enjoy the bacon and eggs!

-Dan

Live. Love. Plow. Horns Up.