Big news from Metallica, regarding 2020 plans at least. They will be headlining five U.S. festivals next summer, and are planning on performing two nights at each of them. Holy moly. Those festivals are: Sonic Temple Art & Music Festival, Louder Than Life, Aftershock, Epicenter, and Welcome to Rockville.
Ok, we may shit on DevilDriver quite a bit. And Coal Chamber significantly more than that. But this interview Dez did with Blunt, basically because of the light he shed on the CC situation, may have earned him a point in my mind.
Here’s Axl Rose standing while performing with AC/DC because fuck I just don’t want to keep trying at this point in the day. Remember he broke his leg? I guess he’s moving again or something.
Finally back from work and that means it’s Quickies time, folks. Let’s see what we missed in the world of metal today:
A reunited Coal Chamber (fuck you, Dez. Seriously, fuck you) announced a new album, set for release on Napalm Records sometime later this year or early next. Further proof that god doesn’t actually exist? I think so.
Hope you weren’t looking forward to seeing Revocation too much, because the band suddenly cancelled all of its upcoming solo tour dates. Seems like whatever the reasons were, they won’t be affecting the band’s other upcoming trek with Crowbar, but hope everything’s okay all the same.
It’s Wednesday, so that means it’s time for another installment of Stage Dive – your chance to weigh in on our chosen topic of the week. This week, our question is:
WHO WOULD BE THE BEST METAL MUSICIAN TO HAVE ON YOUR SIDE IN A FIGHT?
It’s hard not to pick someone like Varg Vikernes here, but in the end, the fact that he’d probably COMPLETELY fuck someone up without thinking twice (and, you know…has already done time for doing just that…) ultimately wasn’t enough of an offset to the fact that he’s a complete psycho scumbag piece of shit who I can’t endorse in any capacity. But no, in the end, I went with Machine Head frontman Robb Flynn here. Why’s that? For starters, just listen to the dude’s music! You CAN’T tell me the guy who wrote throwdown-ready anthems like “Imperium” or “Aesthetics of Hate” wouldn’t be able to hold his own and then some in a fight. Secondly, there’s…oh, I don’t know–how about the fact that Robb once played a show just a few hours after BEING HIT BY A GODDAMN TAXI. (Spoiler Alert: I was at that show. It was most metal.) You just need that kind of resilience on your side in a battle, no question about it. Finally, you have to take into consideration post-fight activities–if you take, say, a Dez Fafara, these probably consist of touching yourself and contemplating life as a 48-year-old ex-member of Coal Chamber; if you go with someone like Scott Ian, it’s probably a game of “let’s decide what stupid color should I dye my beard today.” But post-fight with Robb Flynn, you’re definitely going to be knocking back a few beers and continuing to kick-asses, only metaphorically. Hence, I’m going with him.
Alright, so Varg also seemed like he would have obvious potential for me. However, the fact of the matter is, there are a number of church burners and murderers from that particular place and time that could serve this purpose. Faust, of Emperor, comes to mind as another example. But the thing is, we’re not looking for someone to put out a hit on someone for us, we want someone by our side in a fight. We want punchy. Not stabby. And I don’t hold much faith in them, you know, fighting somebody. Not the most intimidating humans once they’re lessened to bare knuckles. Then my mind went to Orion or Inferno of Behemoth. These guys made more sense to me. I mean for one, they gotta both be pushing 6′ 6″. And they’re in Behemoth, so the level of aggression is unquestioned. Anyone ever see these guys live? The amount of punishment they direct onto their instruments is probably more than most humans could take. Yet… nah still not what I’m looking for. I want to add another factor to this. I went with none other than Mr. Lordi… in full costume, of course. This guy must be over seven feet tall in costume, so the size factor is definitely there. Secondly, the dude is, quite literally, a monster. He’s a monster. If I want an intimidation factor to be part of this, it would be really hard to go in any other direction. Honestly, any opposition probably wouldn’t even bother throwing down. Who wouldn’t want a specimen like this on their side? And I don’t mean just in a fight. I mean in general. Personally, I think it’d be awesome to show up at a bar for a post-fight beer with a seven-foot-tall monster. Seems pretty legit to me.
What do you think? Post your choices in the comments section!