Dear Ritual Grim:
I’m going on a date tonight for the first time in a loooooong time. It was really hard to get dates with guy(s) when I was first released from Prison. I think I need some help on how to keep the conversation flowing, fun and light.
Sincerely,
Excited in Coonslick, ND
Dear Excited:
As an eternal being, I have had my share of stale dates. I’ve even had some lovely orgies fall flat. Casual conversation can be very difficult and intimidating. Especially if the person you’re dating is fully, or even partially, alive. That’s why we always suggest meeting someone for the first time in a low-lit parking lot in the back of an abandoned warehouse. So much less pressure! But, if you have to do it the traditional way here are some great starter questions:
- If you were going to murder someone, how would you do it?
- If you were going to kill yourself, and, judging by the last ten minutes, you should, how would you do it?
- One fist or two?
- What was the first animal/pet you tortured and killed and how?
- What is your blood type and can I drink it?
- What is your favorite disease?
Remember to keep it casual and relaxed. You don’t want to get to deep on the first date. Stay away from buzz topics like cutting yourself or forced abortions. It’s not forever. Just get to know them! GOOD LUCK!
Hail Satan,
Ritual Grim
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