Metal.Txt (@metaltxt) is one of the more fun personas on twitter. Always ready to rip into writers by posting their cheesiest and worst lines, he/she leaves no stone unturned. Ceaselessly digging through the Metal-Archives reviews as well as the message boards, Metal.Txt is quick on the draw. So beware writers everywhere! Beware, lest your words grace the timeline of embarrassment and doom.

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How did you first get into writing and reporting and have you achieved all your wildest dreams that you set out to achieve?

I started my dumb twitter account when a friend of mine started a cassette label and he started getting some hilarious reviews sent to him. 8,000 some tweets later and I’m still doing it for some reason.

I wrote some reviews of hardcore and grind for zines when I about 15. My review of a Throwdown 7” is probably on some ancient corner of the internet still. I’ve written kinda off and on since then (mostly off), under a couple different names… I’m weird about keeping different parts of my life separate. People hiring me at normal person jobs don’t need to know how much I love the Couch Slut record.

Go buy the Couch Slut record you dweebs. (Editorial note: you can, and should, do that here)

What’s the most you have ever debased yourself to get a promo, guest list or interview that you really cared about?

I hung out with Marty from The Shins one time. Fuck that guy. Actually don’t. Nobody fuck that guy ever again.

No one knows your real identity. So can you tell us a little bit about yourself?

I like soccer a lot and sometimes tweet about it to annoy people. I’ve never been to Norway.

What are some of the most important issues (social/political/humorous/etc.) for you and how do you insert those issues into your tweeting?

Please be nicer to people.

Do you have any hidden talents that you want to share with us? You’re encouraged to submit audio tracks or videos if necessary.

We played at RFK Stadium in front of 40,000 people when “Closing Time” had just hit No. 1, and I’ll never forget the experience of being on stage and just feeling a tidal wave of energy from the fans hitting the stage and it literally, you know, made my skin tingle and shiver and I almost fell off the drums. It was so — such a big feeling. Another time we played in Mexico City and, you know, the 10,000 fans there would flick their lighters in time with the music. All of that stuff is even better than you would imagine it would be.

What’s the stickiest you have ever been?

When I accidentally spilled a can of Mtn Dew® Code Black® all over myself while waiting for an Uber® to take me to see The Maze Runner: Scorch Trials at the local AMC Theater®.

Your Twitter avatar, at least the original one, is taken from Darkthrone’s 1994 release Transilvanian Hunger. Are you currently hungry and what are some of your favorite foods?

I could make a pizza, juggle it around, smile and do jokes, but that pizza has to be really good. Whatever I do around the pizza, that’s just some extra. The pizza, the product, has to be bona fide.

What’s your biggest pet peeve that you look for in other people’s metal writing?

Enjoyment of technical death metal.

What advice do you have for aspiring music critics out there?

Please keep writing strange things for me to steal on twitter. I need favs from anonymous weirdoes to make me feel like a real human being.

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Thanks so much to metal.txt for his/her time. Keep on ripping us and making us better writers!

– Manny-O-War