It’s turkey time again and we all know this holiday in particular can push our limits as well as expand our waistlines. For this edition of #tbt we take a look at the excess of it all in three phases — via classic death metal song titles. A genre full of gore is of ripe for this sort of thing but it’s all in lighthearted fun. Rest assured no animals, humans or stomachs were harmed during the making of this post. So hit the playlist at the bottom and follow along.
With the mountain of planning for the big meal — who to invite, recipes, grocery lists and last but not least what table cloth to use — “Evoke the Excess” is our starting point. Preparation is key, it has to be just right. Unless there was a royal screw up at the grocery store “Thou Shall Kill!” shouldn’t be a to-do item, but there are those that believe in the turkey being au naturale, so this one is solely for those with nerves of steel. With the bird in hand, unwrapped or unfeathered, it is now “Staring Through the Eyes of the Dead” as it roasts in the oven. Finally, the last step necessary to transfer it to the fine china platter is “Bonesaw”. Wait until the day of for this step, the meat will be dry if it’s not cut fresh.
Waistline Expansion Phase
This is where we tie the feed bags on for the ever so delicately prepared turkey and submit to our “Carnivorous Ways”. The pair of “Gobbling the Guts” and “Sputter Supper” might be a bit much for any light stomach eaters. Feel free to skip these if necessary but for those of you not bothered by a little implied gore, baste and bask in their glory. Finally we close this phase and gullets with the “Grizzled Finale”. Time to wipe those hands and make the daunting journey to the couch.
Food Haze Phase
After the turkey, large bowls of sides and the decadent desserts it will be time to slide into the horizontal position and fade out for a “Rebirth of Consciousness”. By the time this song ends there is little doubt of the impending slip into darkness. It will take longer for some but it’s a necessary component when this much food has been consumed.
Then of course there’s the leftovers, but I digress.
Happy Thanksgiving and bon appetit.