Wake Up and Smell the Satan! – February 12, 2016

wake-up-and-smell-satan

Pennsylvania Hydrofracking Operation Unleashes Ancient Dæmon

BREAKING NEWS – New Milford, PennsylvaniaThe demon Ninurta, long thought to have passed from this realm, reappeared yesterday at a small hydraulic fracturing site in the Eastern Pennsylvania township of  New Milford in the district of Susquehanna. Local residents report being able to light their tap water on fire. Many contest that this is a sign of the apocalypse.

newmilfordPAhydrofrack

It was believed that Ninurta had perished long ago in the destruction of Lagash near the ancient city of Girsu (known now as Tell Telloh in modern day Iraq). Ninurta, the Sumerian God of War, is capable of unleashing a rain of hellfire upon the earth.

Residents are advised to take shelter immediately as Ninurta is capable of shape shifting and has been known to take the form of winged lion or the ancient birdlike monster known as Imdugud.   It is yet unknown whether Ninurta has, as was feared in the late neo-Babylonian period, fused with the demon Nergal. Should you see any of these winged beasts please contact your local authorities immediately.

There are also some yet uncorroborated reports of the monster Anzu, who was once thought to have been murdered by Ninurta, reportedly in the area.  Local Theologian Stanislav Ginter believes that this may be related to the “Tablets of Destiny” stolen from Anzu long ago and presented to Ninurta’s father, Enlil.  If you see the tablets, which contain details of the future and fate of the world, please store them in a safe, cool place before contacting the appropriate authorities.

The authorities have asked anyone that speaks ancient Sumerian to please assist in communicating with the demon.

Hail Satan,

Ritual Grim

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