Wake Up and Smell the Satan! – February 19, 2016


Area Man Ponders Which Song He Will Murder His Fiancé To

Leakesville, Mississippi
: Local resident Tim Theranthan always dreamed of being married. Said Theranthan, “I just know it would be magical. I have always wanted to  get engaged, set a date and then bury my wife-to-be in her wedding dress deep in the woods a mere few hours before our wedding ceremony.”

Theranthan said he plans to surprise the lucky lady with a romantic pre-ceremony picnic at which point he will poison her and mutilate her corpse before burying her in a yet undisclosed location most likely in a wilderness portion of local town park, “Forest of the Maji.”

“The only issue now is music. I always pictured the soundtrack as something classic like Darkthrone’s A Blaze in the Northern Sky.” However, after hearing the recent album Abalam from Danish band Hexis, Theranthan questioned his original plan. “Maybe I will just bludgeon her in the basement and prop her up at my dining table for a few weeks…Or is that to passè?”

At press time Theranthan was still single and had received no responses to his Craigslist post.

Hail Satan,

Ritual Grim

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