Wake Up and Smell the Satan! – April 1, 2016

wake-up-and-smell-satan

Metal Moments in Sports History, Vol. I:

Clint Malarchuk Throat Cut

It was in March 22, 1989 that a standard hockey game became a frozen blood bath.  Buffalo Sabres net minder Clint Malarchuk was was challenged to stop a drive by winger Steve Tuttle. After the shot, a violent scrum ensued around the crease where one Tuttle’s ice skate viciously slashed through the jugular and carotid artery of Malarchuk’s throat.

Toppling over on the ice Malarchuk lost a high volume of blood from his neck gash onto the cold, vast expanse of the ice surface. Crumbling to the ice and gripping his throat with his hands Milarchuk let out a ghastly cry. Malarchuk survived the event although two people were so horrified by the metal that they suffered heart attacks and nine people fainted as a result of witnessing the event. Apparently spared by the reverent kindness of our lord Lucifer who apparently had more horrifying things in store for Malarchuk.

Malarchuk received over 300 stitches to close the wound. As the legend goes, his first question to the paramedic was, “Can you have me back on the ice for the 3rd period?” He was not back for the 3rd period but, in the Metal way of hockey players beforeh him, Malarchuk missed only five games (about one week) before he took the ice again.

Tune in next time when we discuss Clint Malarchuk’s second brush with death: shooting himself in the head (accidentally) in 2008! Another brush with death that this warrior survived. The bullet is even still lodged in his skull.

Hail Satan,

Ritual Grim

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