Wake Up and Smell the Satan! – April 8, 2016


Dear Ritual Grim:

I have a dilemma. I am a strict Satanist following all of Lvcifer’s teachings but, my girlfriend is a very strict Lvtheran. We have recently been arguing at length about well, the length of my hair. She wants it short and I want it as long as possible so that it can be soaked with blood during my ritualistic slaughters and subsequent orgies. Can you please help me out here with a compromise?


Lost in Weehawken.

Dear Weehawken:

No need to be lost. The dark Lord appreciates many types of hairstyles. Here are some suggestions for you. I’m sure that, somewhere in this list, you can find something that will make both you and your girlfriend happy. Although I might suggest ritually sacrificing her at some point due to her erroneous religious convictions.

34. Blowout
33. Bouffant
32. Afro
31. Marcelling
30. Odango
29. Pompadour
28. Mop Top
27. Dreadlocks
26. Eton Crop
25. Fontage
24. Hime
23. Oseledets 
22. Pageboy
21. Flattop
20. Ringlets
19. Chignon
18. Mackelmore
17. Jheri Curl
16. Ponytail
15. Quiff
14. Fallero
13. Butch
12. French Twist
11. Sartine
10. Chonmage
9. Shag
8. Cornrows
7. Straight Edge 
6. Pixie
5. Casesar Cut
4. Devil Lock
3. Rattail
2. Payos
1. Tonsure

Hail Satan,

Ritual Grim

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