And we’re back! With our second Profile of the week, and my favorite of 2026 so far… by a distance. Self-proclaimed slug metal visionaries Kallohonka are releasing their debut full-length on Friday through Memory Terminal Records, titled Lazer Blood, and I am so damn excited to share a bit about it with you today. James Magruder (bass, vocals, auxiliary stuff) took the time to answer our questions, and let me tell ya if this release is half as good as this introduction to it is… we’ll be in for a treat at the end of the week. Anyway, take the jump, give “Experimenting with the Dead” a listen while you read, and have yourself a good time.
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How and when did you first get into playing music, or metal more specifically, and how did your band get its start? Any pushback from family/those close to you?
We founded a super sick a cappella group in 3rd grade. We only sang that Joan Osborne song once to a class of 2nd graders, and got kicked out for being too ugly—pure magic.
How would you describe your band and what you play to someone who is completely in the dark?
!Harken! Sissurations swirl into a deafening, unintelligible cacophony. The Earth quivers at its foundations. Rivers reverse course. The sun hangs pallid black. And you just keep ripping the salvia bong.
Is there anything about your upcoming album or about your band that no one will find in any interview or review that you care to divulge?
The Mu-Phase, which we featured prominently, was on loan from Dr. Funk of the Indiana 70’s prog weirdo group Ethos. Best dude.
Also, horns through a Leslie is bonkers.
Any funny stories from playing shows/tours/festivals, etc?
Touring and festivals taught us one thing: Hot Dog Cocaine tastes better than Mayonnaise Cocaine.
What do you see as some of the great things happening in and around the metal scene (yours or just in general), and what are some of the worst things happening right now?
The Dallas Weirdo Scene roolz, always has, always will. The New York noise scene seems to be kicking, but we haven’t had the time to explore its facets yet. We have high hopes that the weirdos get along up here. DIY needs to come back to what it was before the digital Brown Shirts shut everything down after the Ghost Ship tragedy. Let’s go kids.
Most folks have passions for a cause or causes that are close to them. What, if any, are some of the most important issues (social/political/humorous/etc.) for you / your band and how do you insert those issues into your music?
Anarchy, the one with all the rules. The one that requires the hearts of the collective to tend and give agency to themselves AND their fellow humanoids. Is there another just way to exist? Ideological and impossible in practice, you say? We firmly retort, “Who cares?” Anarchy is a way cooler pipe dream than pick-your-favorite-judgey-sky-grandpa. Ursula K. Le Guin had it on lock. Big shout to everyone making Food Not Bombs happen. Be a part of your community, not a leech. Neighbors helping each other. BUT THESE SONGS are about lobotomizing yourself chemically and communing with Jehovah One after our ascension to Level II, only to return to Earth via interstellar craft to laugh in the face of these powerless rattish anthropomorphic terrestrials. Back to life, back to reality, except now you’ve gone mad. Also, actual leeches are cool as fuck.
Do you have day jobs or hobbies you want to share?
Couple odd jobs and hobbies of our illustrious members: Vegan Adult Arcade Mop Technician, Broth Boy, More Human Centaur, Executor Producer, Mange Mage, Less Human Satyr, and Jakey, the Snakey, is the world’s only Supreme Shirling Referee.
What advice do you have for music critics and outlets out there? How can we all better serve the genre in the eyes of a hard-working musician?
More fun bad reviews, like the one where the chimp pees in his own mouth. Nothing brings people together like simultaneously experienced jovial hate.
Any specific long-term goal(s) in mind?
Survive 2026? We love a great finale, but we’re hoping for a few more seasons before the big blowout. It feels a little like Christmas Eve; we don’t know which postapocalyptic dystopian hellscape we will get watch slowly unfurl itself from the fibers of time. A little excited to run downstairs and unwrap the absurd end to our silly little society.
When you’re not obsessing over your own material, what are some of your favorite albums to listen to currently?
We have been mainlining the “Synthesizing the Silk Road” compilation since its release. Who doesn’t love Uzbek disco jammers? WHAT IS UP WITH THAT CHARLI XCX/JOHN CALE Banger? What the fuck, ya’ll? It’s sick. And Kate Bush’s “Hounds of Love” and “The Dreaming” are just forever ever. Honorable mentions: most French and Italian Prog from 1969 – 1974, and a short list of Atmospheric third-wave Black Metal.
What is the near-future outlook for you or your band? Any specific events on the horizon that the masses should be aware of?
Our first tour will be in Australia (cause fuck it) late this year or early 2027, if the world remains partially unwreathed in flame. We will have a small, bumpy rash of shows in the North East after the release show (3/13 at the Doublewide in Dallas with Oil Spill and Teal Stripe).
Summarize your band in one word.
Pandemonium for canny morons.
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Many thanks to Kallohonka for the time! This has been, truly, a gift.
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