The name of this band is Samurai Pizza Cats.  If you think you know what you’re getting into just by looking at the name alone, you’d actually be mostly right.  Sometimes a name is all it takes to get you to stand up and take notice, and in the case of this project, that’s exactly what brings me to this review (and, it turns out, the band is named after an obscure but well-loved classic anime).  Press Start is the second full length from the German pseudo-supergroup, and it is on this album that Samurai Pizza Cats makes an attempt to prove that they are more than just a goof.

Despite their relative newness and obscurity on the scene (and yeah, their ridiculous name), Samurai Pizza Cats actually has a pretty strong and serious pedigree.  Guitarist Daniel Haniß is a member of Electric Callboy (another ridiculous name, but at least they had the good sense to change it from, uh, something outright problematic) and singer Sebastian Fischer is a former member of Downfall of Gaia, of all things.  Newcomers Robin Kemper and Stefan Reufer round out the lineup on drums and bass respectively, adding robust low end to the band’s mix of electro-pop, deathcore and metalcore.  Press Start leans a lot into the electro side of things, but there are some really cool keyboard and synth moments on here that make me genuinely interested in seeing this fusion pop up again.  It’s a cool little mix of almost 80’s aesthetic and cadence with some modern touches, all layered around some fast and chugging guitars.  Despite all the poppiness, Samurai Pizza Cats do a good job of keeping things heavy and reminding everyone that they are a metal band first with crunchy breakdowns and extended tunings.

Unfortunately, this is where I run out of nice things to say about Press Start.  Listen: I’ve already laid bare that I don’t much care for deathcore, and maybe this is just me being an old man yelling at clouds again, but…this really isn’t the album for me, and I would even go so far as to say Press Start is genuinely bad.  Sure, when the name of your band is Samurai Pizza Cats, you would expect to hear metal songs about fuckin’ pandas, T-Rexs, penguins, pizza, video games and superheroes, and you do.  And I don’t know why we’re still doing this.  It’s fuckin’ RAWR XD core, and even nearly two decades ago it wasn’t that good (expect for you, HORSE the Band.  I’d kill for you to come back to us.).  But that’s the thing: we’ve already had plenty of bands come and go that already did this goofy, lol-so-random style of heavy music, so why are Samurai Pizza Cats desperately leaning into an aesthetic that is, for lack of a better way of putting it, childish and outdated?  Who is this album for?  Because if it’s for me and it’s an attempt to get some nostalgia points, it misses that mark for the simple reason that these songs are not particularly well written.  Sure, the synths are cool, but when every goddamn song on this album sounds exactly the same, they lose their appeal pretty quickly.  There is a very rigid formula followed on each track, and even when things get heavy with a breakdown or two, there’s a half-assed and clichéd, ultra-hooky butt-pop chorus that sounds indistinguishable from anything else on this album or on the radio right now.  The whole record reeks of bland and uninspired, rehashed and generic ideas haphazardly held together with goofs and programmed electronics.  Ultimately, the jokes aren’t funny enough to be irreverent, the music isn’t tight or original enough to be impressive, and there really isn’t anything of substance to be found under the thick layers of sleekly produced electro-sheen and irony.

Maybe the only way I could see this translating well is live, which is fortuitous because Samurai Pizza Cats are throwing their own Samurai Pizza Fest tomorrow (yes, March 28th) at the Live Music Hall in Cologne, Germany.  So, you know, if you find yourself in the area, you can check them and a bunch of their contemporaries out and let me know what an asshole I am for not liking this album.  But I stand by what I said.  Like a certain LAPD homicide detective from the 80’s said: I’m too old for this shit.

— Ian

---

Press Start is available now on Century Media Records.  For more information on Samurai Pizza Cats, visit their official website.