Those feelings of longing for the weekend and the #tbt‘s clogging up your News Feed can mean only one thing — it’s time for our newest series here on the Horns Up blog–Throwback Thursday! This segment is what you think it is–a chance for your two co-hosts to reminisce about days of metal gone by. We’ll be sharing old photos, videos, any kind of metal-related content that’s at least a fifth grader. (10 years old, for those of you who can’t math) Feel free to share your own in the comments section as well!

Dan:

I’m gonna break out the big guns with my first post and go with the music video for Rhapsody (of Fire)’s “Rain of a Thousand Flames,” from 2001. For those who may not be familiar, Rhapsody (of Fire) is an Italian symphonic metal band primarily known for two things: their series of concept albums known collectively as the Emerald Sword Saga, and their collaboration with nonagenarian actor Christopher Lee (SARUMAN!) on the track “Magic of the Wizard’s Dream“–a perennial contender for the title of cheesiest song conceived by man.

Let’s not mince words here, the video for “Rain of a Thousand Flames” is THE MOST RIDICULOUS MUSIC VIDEO YOU WILL EVER SEE. Things you will encounter while watching:

• A witch/demon being licking a sword while, for some reason, topless. (And with pierced nipples)
• Band members playing randomly in a field because LUSH SCENERY, YOU GUYS.
• Proto-BioShock plasmids coming out of random characters’ hands during battle.
• Some of the most hilariously bad green-screened graphics you will ever see.
• As the YouTuber who uploaded the video says, “long hair, swords, nuff said.”

And oh, so much more. I have no idea how exactly this ties into the Emerald Sword Saga and frankly, I don’t care to know. This is a thing of beauty and hilarity with or without context. All I can say at this point is watch, fall over laughing, and enjoy:

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Corey:

Alrighty, let’s maintain the cheese factor, but move in a different direction. Actually, let’s go back in time a little further. In fact, let’s go back almost another full decade. I think it’s high-time the world was introduced to the 8th A.S.S. (of course, referring to the 8th member of our highly exclusive Metal Fraternity, Alpha Sigma Satan). This is none other than the great Abbath of Immortal.

I present to you, the incredibly over the top, unbelievably ridiculous, music video of “Call of the Wintermoon.“ Honestly though, these guys would be jealous of this video… and they’re trying to be as over the top as possible. Anyway, this particular track was featured on Immortal’s debut album, Diaboloical Fullmoon Mysticism, and the video premiered wayyyyy back in 1992. It has everything… witch hats, fire breathing, medieval weapons. All while running amok in the forest… with torches…in broad daylight, no less! Of course, all this is completely directionless with no purpose whatsoever. I still haven’t decided if this video is intentionally over the top, or if they actually did take themselves this seriously. Personally, I kinda hope it’s the latter. Oh… yeah, the song is kinda awesome. Classic early ’90s black metal. That is, if you can get past the video enough to focus on the music.

So, what better way to introduce the 8th A.S.S. than by going all the way back to the beginning? We’re talking over two full decades. Happy Throwback Thursday! Enjoy the shit outta this.

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Live. Love. Plow. Horns Up.