Happy Friday, all! It’s that time again. And I’m coming in with this month’s edition juuuust in the nick of time. Seriously, it’s 1:30 in the morning on the literal last day of the month as I start drafting this post. But, ya boy’s back on night shift life, and… now’s the time I’m starting to feel productive, I guess! So, here we are.

In any case, May was another busy month for good bad album covers. The [checks notes] 677 full-lengths to have released this month gave us a double-digit long list of potential honorees. But as per usual, it’s been whittled down to nine for this here column, so let’s jump right on in and take a look at ‘em!

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Ogdimora – Songs for the Gremlins

Sorry, I take issue with the use of “Gremlins” here. Gremlins are either cute, or Stripe. This is neither of those. This is a cleaned-up Salacious Crumb, and you know it.

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Kayleth – New Babylon

Oh fuck yes, give me all of your space dinosaurs. The… truly bizarre band logo type couldn’t possibly detract from the — and please repeat this out loud so it sinks in — TYRANNOSAUR CAVALRY in this battle scene.

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Feuerschwanz – Warriors

I’m just gonna come right out and say it: this looks like the beta version of Dance of Death. Slight upgrade from the naked, dancing demons, but the same, uh… questionable… sense of collaging.

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Piss on Christ – 666 Rejoice in Blasphemy

First off, lol these names. But secondly… where is the piss on Christ? I was promised piss on Christ. I don’t ask for a ton in this world, but can’t a fella just get a little piss on Christ? Come on, man.

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The Killerfreaks – Spaghetti Horror and Rotten Stuff

I, uh… just… what? Why? How?

Oh well, at least these guys seem like they… [grasps at nearest possible straw] uh… know how to throw a party?

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Yfelvald – In Goat We Trust

I’m not gonna lie, I fully lol’d when I saw this cover. Two of, just… the blobbiest, lumpiest looking humanoids you could ever imagine, having the most awkward cuddle possible. (Ol’ Beardy on the left is quite clearly not enjoying himself.) I hate how much I enjoy this.

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Take Offense – T.O.Tality

Man, this poor Predator looks like he’s having a hell of a migraine, right now. Also, he is… apparently wearing a yarmulke?

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Reverend Hound – Deal in Steel

REVEREND HOUND. (I am henceforth going to pronounce this band’s name with the same level of gusto as people on the internet do with the band Wormed. WORMED.) And quite frankly, this dude deserves it. What’s his gym regimen? If he’s gonna be dealing in steel, he’d better be lifting hardcore.

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Carnal Diafragma – The Garden of Earthly Delights

What in the AI generated nightmare fuel hell is this nonsense? Thanks, Carnal Diafragma, I’m about to have nightmares for freaking WEEKS.

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And that’ll do it for this round of Cursed Imagery! You know the drill: tune back in this time next month for the best worst album art highlights from June. Until then…

Keep it heavy,
—Dan