Welcome back, friends! It’s been a minute. Much as I’d have liked to keep up on the latest happenings in Good/Bad album art since my last post… life got in the way a bit. But the good news for y’all is: I’ve got a TWO MONTH EXTRAVAGANZA POST here for ya right now. We’ll do the best/worst of July, and then immediately afterward, come back atcha with the best/worst of August – right here in the same blog. If that’s upsetting, well… here’s the good news: I’m sorry?

Anyway, we’ve had two very busy months of bad album artwork, so let’s not waste any more time. Hit that jump and let’s review the best/worst album covers of July and August!

JULY 2024

Aquaphilia – Infesticide

I’m not sure who decided this… love-child of the illicit affair between Sloth and Kuato? …needed to be given the Clockwork Orange treatment, but… maybe a better decision could have been made? Maybe? Also why did Aquaphilia need two different logos on this cover?

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Dopeotter – Е​с​к​а​п​і​з​м

I dunno what an Е​с​к​а​п​і​з​м is, but I can say for sure that that is an otter. Maybe even a dope one. Good job, Dopeotter!

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Gorgonchrist – And Justice for Balls

Well… I can definitely confirm that those are balls. So, we’ve got that going for us at least.

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Grave Dogger – Bark from the Grave

Hi, hello, I love everything about this. The gnarly ass logo. The spaceship in the upper right that looks like a peanut or a scrotum or somehow BOTH? The goddamn dog — the grave dogger? — shooting lasers out of its eyes in an attempt to save the slice of pizza from the UFO’s tractor beam? (I assume that’s what’s going on here.) In any case, put this damn thing in the Louvre, NOW.

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Hasturizm – Kulten

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Helpless Agony – Universal Deterioration

Goddammit. This is such a cool concept for an album, and… such an utter lack of give-a-shits about any of the font choices. FFS try less with your typefaces, Helpless Agony.

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Infernal Symphony – Slaves to the Grind 3

Of all of the goofy album covers that were released in July, this is… definitely… one of them.

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Massacration – Metal Is My Life

Aww hell yeah bro. Metal as fuck bro. Check out our swords, bro. And the dragon! Metal is so much more than my life bro. Metal is my everything bro.

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Turbo – Broke & Ugly

I’m not gonna lie, I thought the band name was TURDS the first time I looked at this thing. Then I realized there were no turds to be found in this picture, just a whole lotta pee. Poor logo choice but an absolutely hilarious one.

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AUGUST 2024

All For Metal – Gods of Metal

What if Manowar decided they were slightly more into body coverings? Well, then they’d be All For Metal.

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Anal Mandica – Najbolji Thrash Metal Album Svih Vremena

Lots of interesting concepts at play here. What if they built a church right next to a nuclear reactor. What if Jesus was really into guns? (Please, members of the American right, please do not answer this.) What if AI generated a second life for the cast of Iron Maiden’s Dance of Death album? Anal Mandica — heh-heh… anal — has all these answers and more!

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Hísemtuks Hími•n – Sp’q’n’iʔ

Without a doubt the most epic salmon I have ever seen on the cover of a heavy metal album.

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Kevin und die tätowierte Vollzeitmutter – Butter bei die Fische

Aww, look at these two… morbidly obese nautical lovebirds. Good for Kraken and Big Daddy for finding their heart’s desires.

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Lord Bakartia – Where Silence Speaks in Hushed Tones

This is like a professional illustrator’s first draft. Like, ideally, said illustrator would flesh it out a bit more, add layers, shading, depth, additional techniques to give the piece perspective, etc. But Lord Bakartia was like, “nah, we good with this.”

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Panic Surfer – Dr. Panic Surfer, Or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love American Decline

Yes.

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Tandemoniak – Ride the Steel

It won’t be a stylish marriage / I can’t afford a carriage
But you’ll look sweet upon the seat / Of a bicycle built for two
-Nat “King” Cole

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Unevil Forces – From Whence Thou Art Fallen

Guys. Hey, guys. Do you think the band name is big enough on this cover? I just wanna make extra sure everyone knows this album is by Unevil Forces. You don’t think they’re gonna miss that, do you?

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Viscera Infest – Teratoma

Well that’s, just… the most hideous thing I’ve seen in some time. What a note to go out on!

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Anyway, that’ll do it for this month. Check back this time next month for the best/worst album covers from September! Until then…

Keep it heavy,
—Dan