What a week it’s been, folks! Corey’s out at Mastodon / Gojira / Kvelertak tonight, so you’ve got me on the Quickies for a change! Lots to cover in today’s edition, so let’s not waste any time–here’s what we missed today:

• Ex-As I Lay Dying frontman Tim Lambesis has been sentenced to six years in prison for attempted murder of his estranged wife, Meggan. My favorite part of this? His wife quoting Total Recall during her statement to the court.
• A Bondi Beach lifeguard rescued two members of Black Veil Brides in a segment on the Australian TV show Rescue Bondi. But here’s the kicker: he initially thought they were girls.
• Get ready, prog nerds…Dream Theater’s announced a box set of their studio albums from 1992-2011. Not sure why their 1989 debut and last year’s self-titled effort were omitted, but OHMYGODWHYAMISTILLTALKINGABOUTTHISDREAMTHEATERSUCKS.
• Ladies and gentlemen, Casualties of Cool is almost upon us! Bow down to our new Hevy Devy overlords!
• In an interview with Billboard, Tommy Lee discusses a Mötley Crüe farewell tour and the status of the long-in-the-works film adaptation of the band’s autobiography, The Dirt, and OH MY GOD WHAT HAPPENED TO MICK MARS’ FACE?
• And finally, here’s a hilariously awful cover of System of a Down’s “Chop Suey!”

Not sure I’ll ever be able to un-hear that one. Anyway, metal Friday to all of you, and check back tomorrow for Episode 6 and The Dump!

-Dan

Live. Love. Plow. Horns Up.