Yeah, it’s probably fair to say I dug myself into a hole when I offered to review the new Carach Angren album, This is No Fairy Tale. Formed in the Netherlands back in 2003, Carach Angren find themselves immersed in a symphonic black metal style that we all know is difficult to perfect. Given that, I didn’t have high expectations for this release, but with an album name that ridiculous, I was at least hopeful for some amusement—you know, the same way I’m amused by…I don’t know, Alestorm. Something you don’t take seriously but can at least be entertained by for an hour or so, assuming tolerable music. Unfortunately, I wasn’t even given that.
Call me ignorant and I wouldn’t argue. My first experience with Carach Angren came when I pressed play on “Once Upon A Time…,” the first track of this album, about 48 hours ago. And about a minute into the instrumental introduction, I was actually a little excited. It was a creepy, symphonic ambiance that listened as though it was backing one of those traumatizing German fairy tales our parents terrified us with as kids as a form of manipulation. More modern description; it reminded me of the opener to Sleepy Hollow. Not necessarily a bad thing. And in fact, it didn’t translate all that poorly into “There’s No Place Like Home,” either. Yes, this sound was incredibly absurd, but it’d be foolish to not see that coming given what we already knew. I expected, and half wanted, an album that felt like a horrific fairy tale. But unfortunately, that didn’t happen. From there, things just got much worse.
Symphonic black metal is constantly accused of being over-the-top and cheesy. But when that description comes to mind, I think of the likes of Cradle of Filth and later Dimmu Borgir—hell, maybe even Fleshgod Apocalypse, if you wanted to blend in some death metal. Christ, I wish this sounded more like that. This sound is so ridiculous it loses any potential respectability or appreciation immediately. The symphonic elements are so forced and so poorly timed with the unnecessarily spastic rhythms that the album never really grabs you in the right way. It makes the whole thing infuriating to listen to. On such classics like “Two Flies Flew into a Black Sugar Cobweb” (yes, that is a real song title) and “Killed and Served by the Devil,” the vocals take this weird, spoken, demon-like voice that’s more comical than anything. I’m going to say this album tries too hard more than once, I’m sure. This is one of those times.
The production is no less awkward. There is so much emphasis on the theatrical vocal and symphonic elements that some assuredly decent musicianship from the guitars and percussion is entirely lost at times. Yeah, that makes sense given what this album is trying to be I suppose, but it certainly doesn’t help how listenable this album is… which it, well, isn’t. The whole thing—from the production, to the composition, to the song titles, everything—it’s just too much. Sure, all this ridiculousness got me to chuckle once or twice, but it was definitely a situation of laughing at the band, not with them.
I’m not going to say I wanted to like This is No Fairy Tale, because that would imply that I also wanted to respect it on some level. And there’s no way I’m delusional enough to think that was ever a possibility. Rather, I wanted to appreciate its absurdity. But this level of ridiculousness and stupidity is in a whole new dimension. Carach Angren is trying way too hard; from start to finish this album feels forced and it’s just agonizing to work through. You’re just frustrated for it. This concept should breed so much more entertainment. Instead, it all results in a silly, pointless, 47-minute spell of nonsense. Oh well. I offered to sit through this and write about it, which I did. Can we move onto next week’s releases now? #StillBetterThanATR
“Ein Bier… bitte.”
– Corey
Leave a Reply