Maaaan, it’s a busy week for new metal. This is the first time since I started doing this column that the number of releases dropping on Friday — not “over the weekend” or “early next week”; today — spanned more than a full page on Metal-Archives’ Upcoming Releases list. And as you might expect from the sheer volume of stuff dropping… yes, there were definitely some gems on the album artwork front. I’ve whittled the list down to six highlights in particular, so let’s jump into that now!
Acid Reign — The Age of Entitlement
So, I get what Acid Reign was trying to do here. I do. But at the same time, ughhhhhhhhh. Slapping a set of dreadlocks onto Hot Topic Joker doesn’t really convey any more of a sense of entitlement than he would have had just by taking a selfie. It just makes Hot Topic Joker even more fucking annoying to look at. I hope that’s the point?
Ural — Just for Fun
Italian thrashers Ural have a thing for wolves, as you may have surmised from the title and cover of their previous album, 2016’s Party With the Wolves. They may also have, at one point, had a thing for well-executed album covers, but it doesn’t seem like that’s still a thing. With a better artist, obese-trucker-wolf-aiming-a-sawed-off-shotgun-at-two-random-dudes could have done well for them. Oh well.
Block Hoggins — Mein letzter schrei
Once you get over the name BLOCK HOGGINS, this is actually a pretty cool, kinda trippy-looking album cover. This, though, assumes you’ll be able to get over the name Block Hoggins. Which, reader, I’m not sure I’ve entirely been able to do just yet.
DragonForce — Extreme Power Metal
In which DragonForce enters the “caricature of a caricature of itself’ phase of its career.
Hellyeah — Welcome Home
Never thought we’d see the day where I’d willingly feature friggin’ Hellyeah in a Nine Circles post, but here we are. This is mainly here because this cover gives me MAJOR Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure vibes and that automatically makes it the best thing Hellyeah has ever done. And they didn’t actually even do it. Their artist did. Be excellent to each other and party on dudes. Just, please, listen to literally anything else while doing so.
30,000 Monkies — Are Forever
If you don’t laugh uncontrollably at this, please call your doctor and get your head checked. Seriously, y’all…
Album cover of the year? It’s got a good shot in this column, at least.
Anyway, that’ll do it for this edition. Stay tuned for more ridiculousness next week!