Welcome back, friends! It’s the end of the month, so you know what that means: time to recap some of the best worst album covers from the month of May. And I gotta be honest: I struggled to scrape together ten covers here. It was strange; bands just, generally… got their shit together this month? April showers bring May good album artwork, I guess.

But! It wasn’t all good, as evidenced by the fact that you’ve gotten this column notification in your inbox. So, without any further rambling, let’s jump into some of the “less good” ones from the past month…

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503 Bad Gateway — Stay Agile

I’m in awe of a couple of different things with this. First, you’ve got the band’s name, which reminds me of a previous featuree in this column. Gotta love technical-terms-turned-into-monikers! Then, there’s the artwork itself, which is just… so nonsensical, and yet so comfortable with what it is? There doesn’t feel like any universe in which this could be a metal album cover, and yet it also feels so perfect for this particular metal album cover.

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Evil Brain Taste — Number Two

Man, this one’s frustrating. It would actually be kind of a creepy cover, but for these two dudes’ heads. I’m assuming they’re the band members? But whatever. Their exaggerated facial expressions just take you out of this thing completely. Shame!

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Feed the Wolves — Age of Fire

When you’re definitely, 100%, absolutely NOT trying too hard on your font choices.

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Genophobic Perversion — Malodorous Emanations

Most people would look at the words “Malodorous Emanations” and think to themselves: “Oh. Farts. They’re talking about farts.” AND YET, what… er-hem… Genophobic Perversion served up on this cover is, just… so, so much worse than your average fart.

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Iron Hearse – Super Heavy Incendiary Transmissions

Heh-heh. Get it? Heh-heh.

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KNUTTMUNCH — Unkind World

I don’t know what, if anything, the rubber duck is supposed to signify here. But that’s beside the point. The identification of both artist and title here is the biggest offender. Both seem like they were slapped in as afterthoughts, but also interrupt whatever “vibe” this thing has going. The tan-yellow of the title bar is a particular mess; it kinda makes this thing seem like part of an old card catalog at your local library.

Also… nothing to do with the cover design here, but… say the band’s name out loud. Just go ahead and do it.

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Kritter — Special K

I don’t know who, or what, came up with the, uh… kritter… on this cover, but holy hell do they deserve a medal. It looks like equal parts “the bug” from Men in Black, the Joker and Beast from X-Men, and I love everything about it.

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Mons Veneris — Venus Mountains

I mean… this looks like an outtake from an episode of Rick and Morty.

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Valhalla Bound — Spartan Youth

This looks like it was designed by a Spartan Youth… in his high school notebook, while bored during a lecture. Cool name type, though.

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VHS — Quest for the Mighty Riff

Okay, no bullshit, I love everything about this. The copping of the VHS logo, Gandalf here turning his crystal ball into a VCR — see the PLAY text?! — everything. It doesn’t make any damn sense in the world, but it also doesn’t need to. It is perfect.

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That’ll do it for this month! You know the deal: tune back in this time next month for the best worst album covers from June! But until then…

Keep it heavy,
—Dan