Fucking hell, how is it already the end of February? I feel like I just did one of these things. Okay, I guess I did just do one of these things, but still. Time, man. It’s fuckin’ weird.

In any case, February’s over, so it’s time to look back at all the glorious bad album art the month had to offer. And man, oh man, did we have some bad album art to choose from. It’s too early in the year for there to be this much suck in the world. But suck, the artwork did, and thus… choose some favorites, I did. And now, here they are!

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Ansia — Il tuo culo preso a calci

No shit, you guys, this was the literal first album that came up on my search list for the month. This sad sack of shit with an ice skate stuffed up his sad sack of shit? As the first search result? That’s like picking an ace of spades randomly out of a deck of cards, ten times in a row. Amazing luck, amazing band logo, and an amazing cover.

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Beastial Piglord — Manipulating Reality

Hey! Previous Cursed Imagery honoree Beastial Piglord makes a return after a few years in the shadows. Three years after his last feature here — for an album titled Songs for Dogs whose cover had only a ghost pepper set against a blue sky because, uh… reasons… — Mr. Piglord is back with… a series of uncomfortable looking dildos? I guess? That’s what we’re looking at here, right? In any case, a second inclusion in our here column was a no-brainer.

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F.K.Ü. — The Horror and the Metal

On a scale of 9.95 to 10, how hardcore are these Rob Zombie Devils Rejects Rejects in F.K.Ü., bruh? Props to the dudes at the upper left (who looks hardcore confused) and lower left (who, uh… I think might be taking a shit while posing for this photo?) in particular.

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Holywar Unblack — Holy Lamb Worship

I never thought I’d ever utter the words “christ, I almost wish they’d just used Comic Sans instead,” but… here we are!

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Deadlock Crew — No Way Out

This dude definitely tried out for F.K.Ü. before he turned into a mummy. Also, wow, Deadlock Crew, care less about your logo. You can’t.

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Durbin — Screaming Steel

My first thought upon seeing this album — despite the presence of a goddamn devil-winged panther leaping into my fucking face — was “huh… is this guy related to Illinois Senator Dick Durbin?” I’m a dumbass sometimes, what can I say.

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Phyllomedusa — Fijian Nightmare

I spent so much time trying to figure out what the hell was going on in this, uh… “logo”… — a flying sperm? A domino figure holding up a hurricane? Janice from the Muppets singing with a single paw coming out of her chin? — that I completely missed the decomposing body on the beach at first. Seriously, what the actual fuck is that logo?

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The Spruce Moose — Pyramid Scheme (Vegetarian Version)

I’m genuinely lost for words, here, folks. What on actual earth is going on here, and why is it going on?

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Scarry Garry Show — Victorious

I love the dude in the middle. The elderly colleagues flanking him on either side are very clearly, at least, trying here. Failing pretty significantly! But trying. Meanwhile, the bassist — of course it’s the bassist — is just there, expressionless, waiting for his paycheck. He’s trying even less than the font for the album title here.

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That’s it for February! You know the drill: check back this time next month for the best worst covers from March. Until then!

Keep it heavy,
—Dan