Welcome back, friends! We’re a couple of days into October and boy, are my arms tired! Dad jokes aside, you’re intelligent folks! You know what the start of a new month means! That’s right: time to look at all the hilarious album art from the old month. In this case, from September.

September had quite a treasure trove from which to pull. There were so many options, I was actually able to come up with a couple of mini-themes! There was also one I did not pick, which would have been a shoo-in for the End-of-Year Cursed Imagery wrap-up had the band’s name not consisted of 34 non-English words. Sorry dudes, ain’t nobody wanna type all that.

But in any case, we’ve got nine terrific picks for you, as per uzh, so let’s get into ’em! Here are the best/worst album covers from September 2024!

—

Helpless Agony — Persistent Acrimony

We begin with Mini-Theme #1, which I will call “Adventures with Fonts.” In the context of Helpless Agony, here, “adventures” can be taken to mean “trying as little as humanly possible.”

—

Medieval Whoremaster — Alive With Battle-Lust

Adventures with Fonts continues! In this case, you’ve got the most generic, italicized “pre-installed Microsoft Word font” possible, and then… not so much a font as a finger-traced chicken scrawl. Good job, good effort, guys.

—

Splendor — Memory of Light

Mini-Theme #2! This one, I call “Looks Like Was Drawn in a High Schooler’s Notebook While Bored in Class.” Yes, I know I was complaining about overly-wordy band names earlier. And yes, I know this theme has 13 words in its name. But 13 is not 34. Moving on!

—

The Healing Process — Theme and Variations

The “Looks Like Was Drawn in a High Schooler’s Notebook While Bored in Class” theme continues with… something that literally looks like a crumpled up piece of notebook paper! It’s like they knew the theme was coming!

—

Phlegmicide — Detoxicity

I’m gonna go out on a limb here and assume someone likes both Red Hot Chili Peppers and System of a Down. Just a guess.

—

Folgers — Summoning of the Folgers

Metal-Archives describes this band as a “Folgers themed black metal band,” Summoning of the Folgers is somehow their tenth full-length of coffee-related material in the last three years. I could not be any more onboard with this. [cues up Dethklok’s “Duncan Hills Coffee Jingle”]

—

Genocide Goose — Full Honkal Assault

First things first: fucking YES to everything about this.

Second things second: how does one become appointed the official Canada goose of Genocide Goose. ‘Cause to me, this just looks like a typical goose struttin’ his stuff. There’s nothing about it that particularly suggests genocide. So, how? What did he do genocide against?

—

Acidsaurus Bong — Dank Broth Ritual

Credit to, er-hem… Acidsaurus Bong… here, they at least gave Reptar here some good taste. That broth looks absolutely delicious. Dank, even. Also, I’m pretty sure I had a nightmare that looked something like this back in my Nickelodeon watching days.

—

PeelingFlesh — The G Code

Oklahoma slam crew PeelingFlesh gets a lot of credit here: they gave us the G-Funk / incomprehensible-pile-o’-sticks-logo crossover we never knew we needed!

—

That’ll do it for this month’s edition! You know what to do from here: check back this time next month for the Best/Worst of October. Until then, though…

Keep it heavy,
—Dan