Welcome back, friends! I’m just a bit late with this one. I blame Thanksgiving. Actually, no; I blame all of the bands who decided to release albums in November. There were… er-hem… SEVEN HUNDRED FIFTY-NINE full-length albums released this month. 759! Like… how’s one guy supposed to get through them all when he only starts thinking about his bad album art blog post two days before? Do better, bands. Sheesh.
Anyway, among those 759 new November releases, there were quite a few bad covers. We’ve whittled that figure down to nine for you here, as per tradition. So jump on in and see which ones took the cake (and then shat on it) this time around!
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Hjewy Tzjepr — Hjewy Pjeppr
Okay, what on Earth is this? This reminds me of the back of my laptop, except with horrifying MS Paint concoctions instead of, you know… stickers. Oh well, I cannot deny that I enjoy the name “Hjewy Pjeppr” a whole hell of a lot, and in fact spent several minutes this afternoon attempting to pronounce it.
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Phantom Spire — Black Raven Cerulean Lightning
[“Throwaway-AIM-screenname” + “hardcore-font-in-logo”] is not a combination I would have expected to come across. But I gotta say… it doesn’t work.
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The Masquerade — Escape from Hell
Perspective… how does it work?
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The Great Kat — Beethoven Romances The Great Kat
Have you noticed the trend of artists compiling collages of just… random stuff together, and then calling it an album cover? What’s with that? Anyway, uh… here’s hoping Kat and the [checks notes] …almost two-hundred-year-old remains of Ludwig hit it off?
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Nlorgpipe — The Nlorgpipe Will Take Me Away
I’m trying to figure out what exactly the Nlorgpipe is in this picture. Is it the figure in brown? The one in black? Any one of the colored orbs being fired in their direction, or maybe the (I think) satellite doing said firing? I dunno. But whatever the Nlorgpipe is, good on him/her/it for being a good mom/dad/other and letting his/her/its child design this album cover.
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New Fallen Empire — Dustwalker
What New Fallen Empire doesn’t wanna tell y’all is that the empire is newly fallen because ol’ Dustwalker here stuck his tongue out at the wrong fella.
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Crime Slug — Gastropod Gang
I don’t love this, but… other than some WiLd anD wAcKy ChOiCeS wItH rEgArD to CaPiTaLiZaTioN, there’s not a ton that really bothers me about it. The Crime Slug being a Braves fan, I guess. That’s kind of bothersome.
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FourWayInNorway — Propagation of Policy
- “FourWayInNorway”
- Sure. Whatever this is. Just… sure.
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Anyway, that’ll do it for this edition! We’re now well into December, and you know what that means: END OF YEAR SEASON, BAY-BEEEEEEE. The next Cursed Imagery will be our Best/Worst of 2024 wrap up! So, if you’ve got any good/bad covers that you’ve not seen grace these illustrious digital pages, hit us up! If not… well, come back and read the post anyway!
Until then…
Keep it heavy,
—Dan
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