Wall Street Party Interrupted by Protesters Throwing Foul Semen
New York, NY—Restless millions befoul a private party for the 1%.
Despite cutbacks across the board in most financial sectors which resulted in the financial collapse of such institutions as Lehman Bros. and Bear Sterns, some Wall Street powerhouses are somehow enjoying an abundance of wealth between their bronze walls.
One of these firms is HSBC, who in spite of $1.9B in recent fines for charges relating to money laundering and drug trafficking, are still holding elite parties for their sheltered, young executives. One such gathering, a mild mannered Christmas party at Downtown NYC’s Irish Gastro Pub Dead Rabbit, unfortunately turned ugly. Protesters showed up raining, as a distressed victim described it, “the foulest semen” on the elite, highly compensated executives as they dined on baby lamb chops, truffled chips and scotch eggs while sipping Imported Guinness at their private event.
Although scathed, none of the victims were mortally wounded. HSBC’s branch president, Nagalfar Meilenwald, addressed the besmirched crowd, vowing to “raise a stone as a ghastly memorial” in honor of the impure upon whom the foul semen was rained. He then closed the emotional speech by stating, “Let not misled men remove it.”
Hail Satan,
Ritual Grim