In life, there are some universal truths. Leaves eventually fall. Milk eventually sours. Notre Dame football eventually shits the bed and reminds they are and always will be frauds. And I, dear blog readers, eventually find a way to miss a weekly post or two. After almost five consecutive months of weekly Cursed Imagery posts, you’re now reading our first in three weeks. So, uh… sorry about that, I guess.
To make up for it, we return with six new release highlights for you to sink your teeth into, with album art quality ranging from “ridiculous” to “meh.” You may enjoy them. You may not. But either way, let’s jump in!
Quiet Riot — Hollywood Cowboys
Hey, speaking of universal truths, how about: Quiet Riot will never, ever, ditch their iron-masked asylum resident of a mascot. Gotta milk those passable pun ideas for all you can get out of ’em! Does homeboy even have a name? You’ve gotta have a name if you’re a mascot for a metal band. There’s Eddie. There’s Vic Rattlehead. And then there’s this guy. I will call him Benjamin.
Side note: who’s even in Quiet Riot anymore? Just call it Frankie Banali and Some Guys and move on.
Pale Hands of Cold — Cabin
Points for complete literality here, I guess. Reminds me of the kid making the rounds on the Twit machine who said he wanted to go as “pants” for Halloween and then did EXACTLY FREAKING THAT.
Quayde Lahue — Love Out of Darkness
So, the overall concept here is perfectly fine. The image of swordsman posing in the darkness is something you could almost see Tobias Forge slapping a Cardinal Copia photoshop onto and hawking for Ghost merch down the road. But man, that logo is a choice. It feels like an homage to the classic Van Halen brand, but…without any directional or symmetrical awareness? The eyes, they hurt. I do enjoy “Quayde Lahue” as a band name though, so there’s that.
Black Beast — Nocturnal Bloodlust
Something about this is giving me real Diabolical Fullmoon Mysticism vibes. And there are definitely worse vibes you can get from an album cover.
Ade — Rise of the Empire
Looking at this cover is sort of like playing a video game on an older console after buying its replacement system. Five years ago — or maybe just “without that new console in tow” — it would have looked really cutting-edge. But now, there’s just something about it that just…doesn’t feel quite right, graphically. Oh well.
Atoll — Zoopocalypse
I am very here for this cover. Loads of highlights to be had here, but two stand out in particular for me. First, the absolute CHONKSTER of a grizzly bear in the lower left corner. I have to assume this fella’s tummy is responsible for at least 65% of the zoopocalypse depicted here. Second, the… pig? rat? armadillo? …whatever it is over in the middle right. I do love me some hybrid species, and this is hitting me in all the right places. The ManBearPig of brutal death metal, if you will. Big fan of this thing.
Anyway, that’ll do it for this edition! Stay tuned for more album art ridiculousness next week.
Plus, it’s November! Here’s a line from Sherlock Holmes that’s particularly appropriate. With traditional end-of-year festivities just around the corner, you can be sure we’ll be posting a “Best of Cursed Imagery 2019” before December’s out. Got any nominations that we’ve missed? Send ’em our way.
Until next time,