Another month gone. I don’t know what’s harder to believe: that we’re almost through 2023 or that I somehow haven’t missed a single month of these posts since reigniting this endeavor. (The latter. Definitely the latter.) Anyway, another one in the books means another set of goofy ass album covers to bring you passionate art lovers. And hooooooboy were there plenty of goofy ass album covers to choose from this month. So, let’s jump into our picks, shall we?

—

Hostilius — Four

This is less an “album cover” than it is a “random picture of leaves from someone’s several-generations-old iPhone,” but sure, go for it, Hostilius.

—

Paulriffer — Autumn Frosted

Speaking of random pictures of leaves, how about old Paul Riffer… sorry, Paulriffer… here? A High on Fire-ass band font and an Exciter-ass title font, and then… leaves.

—

Sick to the Back Teeth — Modular Home

It pains me to include this because tiny / shipping container mini-documentaries on YouTube became one of my favorite pandemic hobbies. But this… uh… nope. At least nobody could accuse Sick to the Back Teeth of not being literal enough, I guess.

—

Mission of One — Kill the Cobra

I mean, hey, you’re the alleged deity and all, Jesus, but like… shouldn’t you have better things to do in your spare time than “fight snakes”?

—

Catch the Giant! — Midnight Tales, Pt. 1: Nighttime

I love how literally this entire cover is so elegant and deliberate, and then the band’s logo comes in and is like “HeY gUyS! We’Re cAtCh tHe GiAnT! WaNnA geT WaCKy wItH us?!”

—

Timeless Necrotears — Amaha Ps55 auf Deutsch

J.J. Abrams’ first Photoshop project, methinks. Gotta get that lens flare in there at all costs.

—

Cranio — 11:11

GRAND THEFT CYBORG: complete with drunk driving, kill count and titty mag in the passenger seat. Out now on PS5 and Nintendo. (Sorry not sorry Xbox, lol)

—

Speedraiser — Mosh! Bang! Drink!

Believe it or not, this counts as a “high res” image for this cover. This looks like a screen grab from a goddamn VHS tape. And that’s a damn shame, because the image is major lulz.

—

Phyllomedusa — Ranidaphobic Anxiety Buried in the [there’s-like-20-more-words-in-this-title-you-can-look-them-up-here]

One of the most unsettling images I’ve come across in the entire time we’ve been doing this segment. This is like a monster designed around the word “moist,” that can only ever growl the word “moist” to intimidate its victims. Truly disgusting.

—

That’ll do it for November! Check back in next month for a Best/Worst of 2023 recap! (That’s right: no monthly edition for December! Shoulda put your crummy album covers out sooner, bands!) Until then…

Keep it heavy,
—Dan