Welcome back, friends! It’s that time again. Actually… [checks date] it’s well past that time again. Five whole days into July and we’re finally going into June’s good-bad album covers? Your boy’s losing his touch.

(EDITOR’S NOTE: Actually, your boy had the nerve to go on vacation in Rhode Island for a week and didn’t really feel like doing blog stuff during the trip. What a dick.)

In any case! We’re back with nine more album art doozies for you this time around, and since I’ve already wasted enough time getting to this post, let’s jump right in!

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Mourning Souls — Mega Pointed

I will give Mourning Souls credit: they certainly know how to describe their album artwork. Say what you will about this image, it is certainly, uh… pointed. Whether or not it qualifies as mega pointed, though, feels a bit subjective.

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Crossfaith — AЯK

I don’t know what Crossfaith intended with this cover. It may have been a really interesting concept! But none of that matters, because all I see here is a front-loading washing machine.

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Gurt — Satan Etc.

Guys, I need your opinion. D’you think the folks in Gurt like throwing up devil horns? I get that impression, but I can’t really tell. What do you think?

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Astharoth — Cosmos and Chaos

I, for one, am really glad I’m going to be working overnight at the hospital tonight and thus, you know… staying awake the whole time. Because I know for a fact that if I fell asleep, Mr. Astharoth here (yes, that’s his name, don’t ask questions) would absolutely haunt my dreams.

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Daimonos — Murder

Speaking of “absolutely haunting my dreams,” HEY, LOOK AT THIS GUY’S FACE. This is even creepier, because this is the kind of guy that goes to his 9 to 5 job and presents totally normally. Then, the minute you try to get to know him, your eyes get snatched and added to his jar. If R.L. Stine had ever done a Goosebumps book about creepy nerds, this would 1000% be the cover.

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Смъртонос — Misanthropic Flame of Black Devotion

So… there’s nothing inherently wrong with this image. In another life, it mighta graced one of the early Darkthrone albums. But… why is this in color? This is the type of album cover that should only be in black and white. Blacker than the blackest black, times infinity, even.

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Serrabulho — Piss & Love

Got to admire the piss-painting technique here. Imagine the hand-dick coordination required to get the circle of that peace sign (piss sign?) down perfectly. Truly the kinds of virtuosos this column deserves.

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Kaviar Kavalier — Hairy Hairy

I have so many questions about this, and I’m not sure I really want an answer for any one of them.

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Sgt. Slime — Excaligator

Fuuuuuuuuuck yes. This shit rules in so many ways. The mega gator with the goddamn sword through its snout; Sgt. Slime (I presume?) letting Satan take the wheel of his air boat so he can confront said mega gator… this is just exquisite. Buy this vinyl and frame it proudly.

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That’ll do it for this month’s edition! We’ll see you back the same time(-ish?) next month to recap the best worst album covers of July. Until then, though…

Keep it heavy,
—Dan