Another month down, another mess of ridiculous new album titles to cover in Cursed Imagery. May was interesting in that there were a number of different reasons for inclusion in this months column. We’ve got some of your standard “just bad” album covers, but then we’ve also got some that I decided to throw in because I liked the band name. Or because I liked the album name. Hell, there’s even a bonafide good album cover in here — albeit one that merited a bit of fun-poking via a highly appropriate Parks and Rec gif.
Anyway, we’ll get to all that in due time. Or in other words, “right now.” Let’s jump in!
Broom — The Search for Lollipop Gardens
Setting aside the inherent hilarity of a lollipop title and theme on your avant-garde / progressive death metal album, why on Earth would you go for that style of lollipop? Even if you like lollipops, that bland, translucent, token-shaped sucker is 100% guaranteed to elicit a groan. Dum Dums or GTFO.
Grave Miasma — Abyss of Wrathful Deities
I’m sure Grave Miasma has some, like, super evil story behind this concept art, to match their, like, super evil music. But sorry, all I can see when I look at that face is an undead version of Ric Flair going “WOOOO!!!”
I mean, come on…
Lord Erektus — Турбо-Плуг
Apparently the title translates to “Turbo-Plug.” But, I don’t really care about that. I choose to refer to this one as “Man with Rototiller.”
Timeless Necrotears — Zôldja & Ojâ
The original title for this one was “Fun with Photoshop.”
Stallionslaughter — Equestrian Diabolic
The Venn diagram that combines BRONIES and METALHEADS — which I am 100 percent sure exists in some capacity — just went from six to midnight.
Nuclear Munitions — Kvltened Blackened Kvltened Blvck Kvlt
Font choices aside, there’s nothing super egregious about this album cover. I just saw an opportunity to feature an album titled Kvltened Blvckened Kvltened Blvck Kvlt in this column, and reader, when you get opportunities like that, you take them.
Mark Chaos Massacre — Mark’s Songs
That’s it. That’s the cover.
Pyny — My Name is Poship
I have absolutely no idea what’s going on here, or what any of it is meant to stand for. But, I do know — I think? — that it’s meant to make fun of Weezer. And so, dear reader, I’m here for it.
Truckerfucker — Man’en med Ljaa1
I need you to pause on the album-art-judging thing for a bit and just take stock of how much fun it is to say…
I love this so much. This album could have the literal Lemon Party image as its cover and I would still love the shit out of it because it is by TRUCKERFUCKER. We do not adequately appreciate this band name.
Yautja — The Lurch
So, this is the one I teased in the title that I actually genuinely like. I have no idea what it’s meant to be, but I fucking love it. It’s just that…
Well… it made me think of this credits scene from Parks & Recreation just a bit…
Anyway, that’ll do it for this month! Check back in this time next month for a recap of the best worst album covers from June!
Keep it heavy,